They All Go Crazy
by Asmodeus1389
Summary: All are in agreement: All convicts of Azkaban go crazy in the end. But what if the person entered the prison fortress crazy? What if that person was Sirius Black?


They all go crazy in the end.

No one knows the exact location of Azkaban, but common belief puts the prison in the middle of the Barents Sea, somewhere north of Norway. However, Azkaban does not need the sea to keep its prisoners inside its walls. The simple reason is this: No one can possible remain sane in the hell of Azkaban. No one can possibly remain in control of his mind in the constant presence of the bringers of memories, the dementors. The civilians knew this; the convicts knew this; the dementors knew this. The entire Wizarding world's justice system revolved around this one fact. They all go crazy in the end.

This was also the fear of one particular group of men. These men feared that _they_ would go crazy, even though they had done nothing to deserve such a fate. These men were the Malasters, the human caretakers of Azkaban. They were the ones who kept Azkaban together and could do the things that a soul-sucking Dementor could not.

There is a rule that the Malasters use to predict the fate of a man even before he is locked in his cell. The rule is this: "The harder they fight, the faster they fall." By using this rule, the Malasters knew the future of the convict. The more a man tried to fight the Dementors, the faster he went insane. If a single Malaster had taken the time to take the rule one logical step forward, he might have come up with the following: "The less they fight, the slower they fall." Oh, how the world might have been changed.

Joachim, though relatively new to Malasters, held little pity for the convicts of Azkaban. All of them had been found guilty of various iniquities, and these crimes landed the men and women in the prison. Even though the Auror's justice system bordered on martial law, Joachim felt that a justice system based on equity was not for the Death Eaters that populated Azkaban. All of these convicts had been caught in the act, and what system is more impartial and fair than that?

Doug, one of Joachim's fellow Malasters, stuck his head into the room where Joachim was taking his break. "They're bringing in another one."

"On my way."

Joachim joined Doug as they watched the man come in, lead by and flanked on either side by Hit Wizards. Bartimus Crouch, one of the best Aurors in the world, followed close behind. The Hit Wizard in the lead swaggered down the hallway. "Gentlemen of Azkaban, please acquaint yourself with your newest prisoner. Allow me to introduce the one, the only, the infamous Sirius Black!"

Joachim's eyes widened when he heard who the man was. Of course Joachim knew about the recent events, who couldn't have heard? The _Daily Prophet_ had printed a special edition when it learned about the tragic events that had transpired in Godric's Hollow. Still, Joachim couldn't believe it. The Death Eater had been caught so quickly, it set a new record.

The Hit Wizards led Black to the special wing that was dedicated to detaining Death Eaters. It only had cells for the dark wizards who served You-Know-Who. It also had more than twice the normal number of wards, all designed to keep the Death Eaters from escaping. However, Joachim could not care less where they were taking Black. The thing Joachim couldn't believe was that the man laughing. Hard. Stopping only for breaths. Didn't this guy know where he was?

Joachim turned to Doug, who was standing right beside him. "Aren't they supposed enter here sane, and _then_ go crazy? 'Cause this guy's definitely doing it in the wrong order."

Doug shrugged. "I don't care if he's crazy already, saved himself the time." Then he added as an afterthought, "Makes a right nice change though, doesn't it?"

Joachim had to admit that Doug had a point. Usually the only vocals from prisoners were screams. It was nice to have a change in what was said. Then he let the matter slip from his mind.

Two weeks later.

Joachim was glad that Black had finally stopped laughing. Now, he sat in a corner of his cell, staring out blankly at the world. His apathetic expression never changed. Black seemed to have given up on the world. And, Joachim reflected, why shouldn't he? His master was dead, and all the remaining Death Eaters seemed to hate him. Black was, after all, ultimately responsible for their master's death.

The Malasters were intrigued with the peculiar case of Black. There were bets running on how long before Black became immersed in soliloquy. All prisoners started talking to themselves eventually. Usually the topics were meaningless mutterings, but sometimes the Malasters were treated with a prisoner's wondering whose malediction brought them to Azkaban. Sometimes Joachim wanted to hit the prisoners upside the head and tell them that only they cursed themselves, no one else did it for them.

Five years later.

Joachim couldn't understand it. Black had been in Azkaban for the greater part of five years, but he was just as sane as when he first came into Azkaban. Providing that he _was_ sane when he came into Azkaban, anyway. After about a year of staring at nothing, Black seemed to have come to himself. He started talking when the Dementors weren't around, sometimes to himself, other times to the Malasters. In his muttered soliloquies to himself, Black seemed mainly concerned with someone he called The Rat, but during his brief discussion with Malasters he talked about the weather, Quidditch, or the lacking qualities of his meals.

At first, it had been nice having some one to talk with, even if he had been chatty and volunteered all sorts of random information. Joachim had to admit that, where he in Black's shoes, _he_ would be loquacious too, whenever he saw someone whom he could talk with. Lately though, Black had gotten downright annoying.

The Dementors had dropped someone's meal, spilling milk all over the hallway. No one had cleaned it up at first, so the Chief of the Malasters had finally relegated Joachim to the job, just to keep the stench from overwhelming the entire fortress. Although Chief couldn't figure out why on one had cleaned up the mess to begin with, there was one good reason: the spill was right outside Black's cell.

"…and James, was like, 'that was like, _so_ yesterday.' And Remus, was like, laughing the _entire_ time. And Rat, chubby little Rat looked so clueless that the entire House just like, started laughing, like hysterically…"

Joachim rolled his eyes. He tried his hardest to ignore Black and failed miserably. He was soannoying. But then again, they all go crazy in the end.

"…But Lily was like, 'oh, no stop it, don't do that to Severus,' but James was like 'yeah, right, like he doesn't want to do it to us,' and then I said, get this, I said, 'Snivellus would lose his wand if it wasn't tied to his sleeve like those little Muggle mittens, so we have to do that!' and everyone was like laughing again, and…"

Joachim sneezed. He'd been sneezing every minute or so since he'd come down this way, and he couldn't figure out why. Usually his allergies only came out when dogs were around.

"…But Rat was so scared that he let go of his broom and landed right on top of Filch, he got something like, two weeks of detention, I mean, like, served the Rat like, in retrospect, I think…"

Joachim sneezed again and finished cleaning up the mess. He turned to the still chattering Black and threw the mop at him. "Shut up, you garrulous mutt! Can't you ever be quiet?" Joachim sneezed again. As he stomped down the corridor, he bellowed out over his shoulder, "And why does it always smell like wet dog down there?"

Seven years later.

Black had been in Azkaban for almost twelve years, but he still showed none of the common signs of insanity. In fact, just the other day, Black had asked Minister Fudge for his newspaper, saying something about the crossword. Black had asked so mildly that Black almost seemed to have the benign disposition he had been known for before his incarceration twelve years previously. It almost seemed like Black had entered the prison hours ago, rather then the years in reality.

Joachim had been on his way out of the prison when he realized that he had left his umbrella in the fourth-floor break room. He groaned and then turned around. He turned around because it was raining outside; he groaned because that involved going past Black's cell, and he had had enough of Black for one day, thank you very much.

It can be imagined then, how greatly relieved Joachim was when he reached Black's cell and found the man sleeping. He wasn't surprised, though, to hear Black saying something in his sleep. Figures, Joachim thought, he talks even then. Still, Joachim leaned close to the bars to hear what Black was saying.

"…He's at Hogwarts….He's at Hogwarts….He's at Hogwarts…"

Joachim continued towards his umbrella. It was nice to hear that Black might finally be loosing it. The man had really started to make everyone nervous, by not going crazy. It was almost eerie how long he lasted. But the again, Joachim figured, they all go crazy in the end.

**BLACK ESCAPED**

'The Governor of Azkaban has informed the Minister just this morning that the notorious convict Sirius Black was missing from his cell during bed count this morning. This feat has been previously thought impossible, although the means Black used are currently being investigated. No one from either the Malasters or the Ministry was available for comment, although Hit Wizards have been deployed to search for the escaped convict.

'The _Daily Prophet_ had been asked to remind the wizarding world that Black is very dangerous, having being imprisoned for murdering thirteen people with a single curse. A hotline has been created to report sightings of Black. Please floo to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement using grate number….(_Continued on Pages 2, 3, 4, and 5._)'


End file.
